Why It’s Okay to Be Single, Fat and Alone this Valentine’s Day

We’re all strong, confident women who do not need to smoke…

There is a common religious belief in certain Pan-Asian tribes that a female without babies, perky breasts or a hulking brute of a husband by her thirtieth living year is completely useless waste of ether. Alright, alright – I’m kidding and attempting a terrible bid to make you laugh and look, oh how your mouth quirks in disgust!

Why is it okay to be dreadfully single, not quite as thin as you wanted and desperately alone and vulnerable? It’s not, it can’t be, why why why??

Because you’re completely ignoring the other factors. Valentine’s Day isn’t, as ads everywhere are trying to sell, about the one-on-one romantic love – it can just be about love. I might be super unattractive, unloved by the one and eating chocolate in my bed come this Saturday night while whispering sweet nothings to my Moose. (No, I don’t still sleep with a stuffed animal – that would be childish and I am, if anything, a perfect exemplar of adulthood.)

It doesn’t mean I’m not loved and loved right.

Valentine’s Day for the past two years has been hellish. It doesn’t help that in the month of February I’m reminded that I’m turning one year older inching closer and closer to death’s door but I’ve also had to deal with V-day. V-day – kinda good if you’re with someone, satan’s backside if you’re not. I’ve had some interesting ones – guy I was seeing showed up to my door and serenaded me for an hour, I showed up to a former close friend’s door as she was single at the time and serenaded her with a chocolate rose on her porch etc. My first boyfriend and I were never in the same state at the time but we always did something special. But yes, the last two years made me hate it. I was with my second “boyfriend” for the first and while I had prepared a beautiful picnic feast and dressed up, my ex literally did and got me nothing. And then, of course, last year I was recoiling from him breaking my poor wretched black as coal heart. The only two Valentines we ever spent with each other and well, they were trash.

Being with someone isn’t the be-all and end-all and I can imagine that not all couples who are romantically linked will be enjoying or even celebrating it. It’s also a celebration for singles too in the potential collaboration of love. I wrote an article for Everguide year before last on Valentines events around Melbourne and honestly, there’s many more for singles to do than couples. I kid you not. Also, you’re going to save a chunk of cashola too.

There’s too much pressure for V-day – getting a present, organising a celebration, looking your best. And, oh god, the money. Sometimes I think I’m richest when I’m single because all my $$$ gets spent/loaned to the only person I should care about – moi. I’m already stressed out for preparations for my birthday so god, please, I’m glad I’m doing what I’m doing this weekend but that doesn’t mean I’m not celebrating it on my own or recognising the love that I do have.

Yesterday, let’s count it, I counselled one of my exes about his depression, advised a close guy mate on where to take his ex-now-again-girlfriend on V-day (Supergraph, archery, gun range), watched the latest #FreshOffTheBoat with my first boyfriend, Ben and advised another close mate on whether or not he should break up with his girlfriend. “Mel, do you know you’re really smart?” PAUSE. LONGER PAUSE. THIS PAUSE IS NOW IMPREGNATED.”Yes, I know that.”

Not to mention made an actual date for today so…

Look, for being a fat, single, lonely girl – I’m not doing too bad. There is something quite accomplished and singular about ascertaining the enormous love and trust of your mates . If you have, trust that you’re on the right path. Not to mention that people trust my judgement even with my past of okay, ONCE, dating a complete a-hole. Assess yourself correctly, not by how you look, or your job, or by how many girls/guys want to jump on it. Think about it – how many people do you know would totally tell you genuinely “You’re the best, dude. I love you,”?

I’m sure, lots. If you’ve assessed none, then you’re my a-hole ex likely.

I’m not desperate for a “date” on Valentines nor am I being extra hard on myself for not being perfectly sorted out at this venture. (Next year tho…yikes) It’s been well over a year since I had a super serious boyfriend and though I am always harshly judged for it (by girls, guys always hi-five me) being those three things come Valentines Day isn’t so bad when you really look at it. In the end, despite them, I’m super, totally still loved and that’s awesome.

My plans, anyway, are to go to Supergraph with a girlfriend and buy some art – Pimms in hand. I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend it than enjoying the fun of a new friendship. Vive le friend-romance!

What’s yours?

xx

PS: My plans were originally to go see Fifty Shades of Abuse but had to be postponed – till next week and a daunting recap/review!

 

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